Why millennial women burn out
One of the benefits of living in a beach town this summer is that a few of my best friends have come to visit (with their babies!). It has made for very special memories.
It has also made for thought-provoking conversations. My best friend from college visited a few weeks ago. We got to talking about why we, as millennial women, are so prone to burn out.
We have known each other for almost 20 years (gah! hi, Sophia!) and have watched each other build our careers. I did business and she did law. She is now a wildly successful litigator with two vivacious young daughters. And, like so many of us, is feeling so. burnt. out.
Our conversations really got me thinking – I started focusing on burn out with millennial women because, well hey, I was a millennial woman who had burnt out. I care a lot about the topic and have a lot to say about it, but didn’t give it much deeper thought.
Over time, I’ve realized that there is much more to it than that, oh so much more.
Millennial women are uniquely prone to burn out. The messages we’ve heard growing up, macroeconomic influences, our natural disposition as women…it all makes us likely to burn out.
I jotted down Sophia and my musings and sent it to my best friend from business school and twin sister to add their perspectives.
So here you have it – the thoughts of 4 extremely accomplished millennial women, 2 corporate lawyers, 1 start-up exec and 1 entrepreneur (me!) on why we’re so prone to burn out:
We were taught to be good girls: As much as we don’t want to admit it, we were raised on “sugar and spice and everything nice.” We internalized implicit messages to not rock the boat, keep others comfortable and to care what others think of us
We have to be the best: As teenagers, we started to strive for excellence, developing an extreme work ethic. We worked so hard to be the best student, best athlete, best friend, best all-around so that we could get into the best college and get the best job
We believe work should be meaningful: Somewhere, we got the idea that work should be meaningful and workplaces humane – a uniquely millennial belief that we’ve passed on to Gen Z. We’ve poured ourselves into work, only to realize recently that work doesn’t love us back
We were told we could have it all: We are the first gen to fully reap the benefits of gender progress, working with a multitude of female colleagues and leaders. Sheryl Sandberg told us that if we just leaned in, we would conquer our industries, while creating thriving families and personal lives and maintaining our sanity
We came of age during the Great Recession: For us 2008-12 grads, the recession rocked our world. Our big dreams got nixed and we scrambled to get jobs. We still feel that scarcity today, with the pandemic and tech recession triggering familiar uncertainty
Our careers are as old as smartphones: We (and other gens) thought smartphones were great – how convenient to answers emails on the go! – but never paused to consider the implications of never being able to turn off
We grew up as Big Tech grew up: Remember the glory days of Big Tech (and VC) providing meals and laundry? Even if not in tech, we bought the idea that work could be all consuming if it was fun. Fair trade to spend most waking hours at work in exchange for salmon and a cab home, right?
We are so competent (too competent): I don’t know why, but we are all so damn competent. There is something in our DNA that makes us able to accomplish anything. With excellence. We cannot and do not drop a ball. As a result, our bosses keep giving us more and more and we can’t say no
This is a lot. You can see by how many points on this list, that this is a lot to hold. A lot of conflicting sentiments. A lot to figure out what matters. A lot of energy drains.
How are we supposed to be great moms, while giving our souls to work? Heck, how can we date while cranking out slides until 10pm? How can we be the best without giving 200%? How can we leave a toxic job when we’re wired to fix anything?
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Whew. Take a deep breath.
This post isn’t supposed to be a doomsday declaration that we’re stuck in a hideous cycle of ambition and burnout.
It is meant to get you thinking and observing how these dynamics show up for you, so we can figure out how to work through them.
And, for us to start a conversation. I know we didn’t capture everything, and I would love to hear your additional thoughts and reactions.
