What I want by 40 and why it matters
For the past several years, I’ve felt pretty much the same about my birthday. The day came, I did something to celebrate, felt good about being in my mid-30s and then continued on with the summer.
My 35th birthday last year was different. Something hit me about turning 35 and therefore being five years away from turning 40. I felt like turning 40 would be the end of my youth. I felt great being 35 – I was young and vibrant, yet accomplished. After a lot of transition and exploration in my early 30s, I had hit my stride – I had wonderful friends, saw my family often, had professional success, owned my own apartment and so on.
I know, I know, there are dozens of people reading this newsletter exclaiming, “40 is not old!” I know it is not. I know I’ll enjoy my 40s and the decade will be full of growth, expansion and experience. But, I couldn’t help but feel like I was rapidly approaching a major transition.
As I was anticipating my 35th birthday, I realized that while I truly felt great at 35, I didn’t feel magnificent (here’s a refresher on my “meh to magnificent” meter for new readers). I felt like my life was one tier below the truly magnificent life that I desired.
I started to get a crystal-clear vision in my head on what I wanted my life to look and feel like by the time I turned 40. It was the first time in a long-time where I felt like I had a true five-year plan. Here is what I wrote in my journal last summer:
As you can see, I wanted more for my life:
I was dating, but hadn’t found the right partner yet
I loved the companionship of my dog, but wanted a family of humans
I had a good job, but it wasn’t my dream of coaching, writing and speaking
I owned my apt, but it wasn’t the family home I dreamt of nor did it provide a place to connect with my extended family at the beach, our happy place
I had wonderful friends, but despite all living in NYC, hadn’t figured out how to live closer than 45-min from each other
I realized that the energy of all these elements of my life were connected: I was settling. Yes, even though all of these elements of my life were great, it was still settling. I knew in my bones that my life could be just a little bit better, that I could make it magnificent.
I knew that if I wanted to up-level my life to magnificent in five years, I needed to accelerate the speed of change. I wasn't going to get what I wanted by staying on the same path.
As you look at this list, you can see that these aspirations are interdependent. Creating a tight-knit nuclear family was dependent on finding the right partner. I wasn't going to find the right partner while trying to ignore my intuition about work and stuffing away my professional dreams. I wasn't going to achieve my real estate goals while staying at my corporate job, banking one raise a year. I needed the higher earning potential that comes with entrepreneurship.
As I considered this vision, it became clear that I could start by changing the one thing that was fully in my control: my job. I started to get the inkling that I needed and wanted to leave my job and pursue coaching full-time, planting the seeds for the decision I made in December (recap here).
This is my big bet – that by not settling in my career, I'll stop settling in all aspects of my life and will put things in motion to up-level to magnificent. I've got four-years to go, so stay tuned and I'll take you on the journey.
Why am I sharing this with you? My hunch is that many of you have a magnificent vision of your life that is a little shinier, a little lighter and a little more fun than your current life. The vision that is a level up from where you are today.
If that's you, create the magnificent vision of your life and compare it to where you are now. Where are you settling? What do you control that you can begin to change?
