How I overcame my fears to quit

Today, I’m diving deeper into the resistance and fear that I had to work through before being ready to quit my full-time job. My hope in sharing these is that you realize that fear is a natural part of this journey. We're never going to truly free of fear at any point in our lives, so we have to learn to get comfortable with it. 

One of my favorite thought leaders on female leadership, Tara Mohr, makes the distinction between small fear and good fear. Small fear is our fear of being rejected or stepping too far outside our comfort zones. Good fear is what we feel when we're expanding and stepping into a new way of being. Read more about the concept and its grounding in Hebrew philosophy here. 

I find this concept so helpful for myself and my clients – so often, what we're feeling is good fear. We're feeling resistance, stress and anxiety because we want to do something big and different. 

When working with my clients, I hear a handful of fears and resistance repeated over and over. Clients do not know what they want to do next and therefore are hesitant to make the next move. This is especially amplified for those who are burnt out and don’t have the reserves to figure out what they’re excited about. They are afraid of making the wrong move, missing out or not fully taking advantage of the good parts of their current role. 

Or they think it is too logistically complicated – they have a big project that they want to finish, they have vacation planned or are worried about a gap on their resume. And lastly, they are fearful of the potential financial impact moving to a new function or starting their own business might entail. 

For me, it was all of the above, except for not knowing what I wanted to do, and then some. Here is the email I sent my coach as I was making my decision to leave:

These were all of the fears I had let swirl in my head for months. You can see that they ranged from the most meta about potential self-sabotage to those about my ego (needing to be seen as successful / important) to like so many of you, logistics and money. 

Writing all of these fears down, first in my journal and then in email, made me feel instantly lighter and less afraid. These were good fears that I had let myself build up in my head until they felt insurmountable. Writing them down helped me see that some of the fears were immediately solvable, some I could solve with time and others I was going to need to live with and get comfortable with.

Things like figuring out the timing for my bonus and how to get healthcare were immediately solvable. Figuring out my savings plan and my business strategy were solvable over time. And, I got more and more comfortable with being vulnerable and letting go of traditional markers of credibility such as my executive title. 

As I built more trust and conviction that coaching was the right next step for me, some of the fears just faded. I haven't thought about failing or self-sabotage in months. 

It is funny the only fear that I still feel and haven't solved for yet is working with a team. I love feeling a sense of community and worry that coaching may feel solitary at times. I'm trusting that this is one that I can still figure out with time. 

I expect you all have a long list of  fears swirling around in your head. An inventory of all of the reasons you “should” stay in your current role or “should not” pursue the role or venture you keep day-dreaming about. 

Try writing them down. What can you solve for now? What can you solve over time? And, which do you need to get comfortable with? 

And remember, these are all good fears.