Why I felt 'meh' when I got promoted
Do you remember your last promotion? How did you feel when your boss told you the good news? Euphoric and jumping out of your chair? Pleased, but nervous about the increase in responsibility? Flat and kinda numb? Or ambivalent and unenthused?
I’ve heard all of these reactions and more from my clients. The last two times I was promoted, I felt something between flat and ambivalent.
I didn’t always feel that way. I was over the moon when promoted from individual contributor to Manager, the first big promotion I received after business school.
I had always wanted to manage people and worked SO hard for the promotion. I spent two years proving myself: I put 120% into everything, took on special projects, and started early and stayed late. I even created an 10-slide powerpoint enthusiastically highlighting my contributions.
I held my breath for the entire two-week review process. When I finally got the call with the good news, I cried before frantically and ecstatically sharing the good news with my family. I was thrilled for the opportunity and the recognition.
Then, something started to shift.
Fast-forward 18 months later, different firm, different boss and I was promoted to Director. My first reaction was surprise. I had been working hard but didn’t have my heart set on advancement, at least not yet. My second reaction was pleasure, but only about 30% of the pleasure I felt when promoted to Manager. Most of it coming from the ego-boost I got when updating my title on LinkedIn.
Two-years later, I was promoted again. This time to firm leadership and a new function (Chief of Staff). I was surprised again. I was really excited to take on a new function, but felt meh about moving to the next level. I appreciated the recognition and the potential impact I could have, but I didn't need or crave the role in the same way that I did with Manager.
This is probably the first time I’m sharing these feelings out loud. Weren't these promotions the dream? Aren’t we all supposed to want fast upward success? Bigger titles, teams, impact and paychecks?
As high-achieving, millennial women, we have been conditioned to want more, bigger and better. But sometimes, more and bigger doesn't always feel better.
Looking back, I think I would have been content if my career felt like a quick 5k run instead of a 100-yard sprint. My flatness came from three things:
Comfort at my current level: I was really enjoying my work the second two times I was promoted. I had gotten over the learning curve that comes with a stretch role, and was enjoying going deeper, getting better and a tiny bit of comfort. I could take a breath and focus on non-work priorities. I probably could have been satisfied at each level for another 6-12 months.
Emptiness of achievement: I am sure there is some psychological term for this, but the achievement that felt so satisfying the first time, didn’t have the same impact the second and third time. I got a dopamine hit whenever someone congratulated me, but it was fleeting. I didn’t feel the same deep satisfaction and contentment.
Low-level burnout: I was feeling fairly engaged and energized each time I was promoted thanks to the professional shifts I had made. However, I was still experiencing low-level burnout as I wasn't yet in the perfect function or professional home. It was slowly draining my battery and made it hard to lean into a new role with gumption.
I hear similar sentiments from my clients, but we never give ourselves permission to talk openly about our true feelings about our success. That perhaps there are downsides to progressing too quickly. That perhaps we don't want to advance as quickly as think we have to.
Does this resonate? What did you feel the last time you got promoted? Send me a note. I would love to hear from you.
